Compromise is Less than Collaboration

Relationships are the most important aspect of our lives. To protect these relationships most people will use compromise. A great idea in any situation but it is not the best idea. We all use the negotiation tactic of compromising too often.

Compromise is less than collaboration. The fact is people are quick to compromise because of two reasons: (1) it is easy and (2) they don't know how to collaborate. Collaboration takes energy, time, and creativity, while compromise takes only seconds. The problem with compromise though is that you have to give up something to get something. Collaboration means you both get what you want.

Collaboration (how to do it):
(1) Expand the pie - How to make pie bigger
(2) None specific compensation - Other means than money
(3) Trade offs - Each takes turns, list in order what each person wants
(4) Cost cutting - Where do we place value most - take that
(5) Bridging - Create a way that both people benefit

I will be posting one of the methods of collaboration each of the following five days.

The Marshmallow Test

Walter Mischel conducted a test that has. One to be known as The Marshmallow Test. He took a group of five-year-olds and have them all a treat they liked. He said that if they could wait 15 minutes he would give them a second treat to eat. Some atethe marshmallow without waiting and others recived the second treat. After the students finished high school Walter checked up on the children. And the children who waited to get get the second marshmallow not only scored higher on the SAT but also became more successful in life.

Those children who choose to wait not only showed self-control but also showed the ability to control their focus. Walter said, "If you're thinking about the marshmallow and how delicious it is, then you are going to eat it. The key is to avoid thinking about it in the first place." Walter pointed out in his study that the children who didn't eat the marshmallow all altered their focus onto other things. He said the children who waited played with their hands or sang Sesame Street songs to themselves.

Here is what this means to us: After my wife left me rich before finals I had to make a choice. I could give in to my situation or I could focus on what I did have. I could chose to finish my finals and study while my daughter was sleeping at night or I could worry about what I would do in the future. What matters then was taking care of my daughter and getting A's. I had to alter my focus to other things than the movies I would normally watch at night. It took far less effort than I thought it would I just had to focus on the short range goals I had.

What is interesting is that the children did not focus on getting a second marshmallow because all that did was make them want the one they could have now. What they did was focus on something completely different. when we focus only on long term goals it is similar to the children that were trying to hold out for the second marshmallow and making that there focus. They ended up failing and ate the one they had. Often getting to a long term goal takes a side step or two. You will get the long term goal you want but not of it is the only thing you are set on.

Permissible and Passable

In our antiquated pursuit for perfection we often overlook what everyone else would consider the best choice.  We then find ourselves in situations we can no longer change that bring us nothing but pain.  I have had things that by anyones standard would be satisfactory, or the best anyone could hope for, and I have rejected them and sought for improvement.  Then I have ended up with waste and could not get back what I realized was “perfect.”

About two years ago I purchased a custom shoulder bag.  The company promised a satisfaction guarantee and I was not satisfied with my shoulder bag. The bag had a minor defect which bothered me.  So I returned the bag and got my replacement two weeks later.  Sadly, the defect in this bag prevented me from wearing it properly.  While the bag I returned only had a minor cosmetic defect, the new bag I received had a functionality defect and I could not wear it comfortably.  After returning the shoulder bag yet again I received a bag that was passable but not as good as the one I returned. 

I have began to wonder where the line between satisfactory and unsatisfactory is, and if there really is a clear line.  Lifeless things don’t change. They are the way they are, but people sometimes have little things that are bothersome to us and we can’t return them.  How much of their imperfections are really just the way I see them and my lack of understanding?